Tag: Relationships

Man kissing woman on the forehead.

The Myth of Needing to “Have Everything Together” Before Being Worthy of Love

I used to think I had to have everything together before being ready for a relationship—like I had to be completely healed from all my past traumas, to have resolved all my existential crises, and to know exactly who I was and what I was doing with my life in order to be worthy of ...

Woman gesturing "shh" with her pointer finger over her lips.

Learning to Tell the Truth, Even If It Hurts

Early childhood experiences led me to believe that my real opinions and feelings didn't matter. I learned that the quickest way to gain approval was through compliance and agreeableness, and that I was responsible for regulating people's emotions for them, even if it meant abandoning myself. Whatever would cause less friction, keep the peace, or ...

Photographs of past memories displayed on a woman's bed.

Nostalgia: Reverence for the Moments that Shape Our Lives

“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” – Dr. Seuss It's crazy how smallest things can trigger a sense of nostalgia. Like the smell of cigarette smoke, reminding you of the first time you moved out of home to live in that dingy apartment that you adored, ...

Challenging Your Assumptions and the Need to Predict

In an effort to minimize risk, we all have the tendency to predict possible outcomes and plan accordingly. To make these predictions, we can't help but draw from past experiences and preconceived notions of the world in order to keep ourselves safe. And this is not always a bad thing. Predicting and falling back on ...

Accepting the Consequences of Living Honestly

After years of struggling with perfectionism and people-pleasing, I'd made up my mind to live differently: to focus on living in alignment with my values, regardless of how people responded. I gave up trying to control how people reacted to me (which perfectionism and people-pleasing were attempts to do), focusing, instead, on the only thing ...

Embracing the Messiness of Life

Having just moved into a new apartment, I naturally have the desire to keep it clean and tidy. My kitchen is a prime example: when I first moved in, I restricted my movements to keep it as spotless as possible, only to realize this was holding me back from actually doing anything. In order to ...

Top 3 Life Lessons from Partner Dancing

Last weekend I attended my first three-day congress for a partner dance style called Brazilian zouk, which consisted of back-to-back workshops and nightly dance parties known as "socials". Only since returning home have I begun to process the full weight and significance of this experience, which I'd like to share with you now. It sounds ...

We Can’t Always Protect Other People’s Feelings & That’s OK

Yesterday I accidentally upset a woman by texting very briefly in the movie theatre (mind you, I was texting underneath my jacket with my screen dimmed to maximum, but I guess she still caught a glimpse of the glare). It was the kind of text that needed an urgent reply, but I get it: people go to ...

Free to Love: Reflections on Fulfillment & Validation

I am no stranger to the aches and pains of yearning to be loved. Even though we're often told to be fully satisfied in God's love, many of us still yearn for that human kind of love, the genuine connection between two people to walk together as companions in life. But it is a danger ...

To Love is to Be Vulnerable

I've never been an open book. I've always been guarded, never wearing my heart on my sleeve, "opaque" rather than "transparent," and fairly difficult to read (at least that's what I've been told). Yet despite being reserved, I still believe that allowing myself to be vulnerable and to share my life with others (even if it's just a few ...