Tag: Self-Improvement

Man kissing woman on the forehead.

The Myth of Needing to “Have Everything Together” Before Being Worthy of Love

I used to think I had to have everything together before being ready for a relationship—like I had to be completely healed from all my past traumas, to have resolved all my existential crises, and to know exactly who I was and what I was doing with my life in order to be worthy of ...

Woman gesturing "shh" with her pointer finger over her lips.

Learning to Tell the Truth, Even If It Hurts

Early childhood experiences led me to believe that my real opinions and feelings didn't matter. I learned that the quickest way to gain approval was through compliance and agreeableness, and that I was responsible for regulating people's emotions for them, even if it meant abandoning myself. Whatever would cause less friction, keep the peace, or ...

Enjoying vs. Enduring Life — Which One Are You Doing?

Last week, Vancouver was hit with its first snowfall of the season. As expected, the rain-accustomed city basically shut down when the snow reached its peak; bridges started to close, buses stopped running, cars got stuck, and classes got cancelled. And, sure enough, my lovely but prone-to-worry mother sent me a flood of texts urging ...

For A New Beginning

This past year has been very special for me, to say the least. It was the year I finally listened to a strong ache for change that had been gnawing at me for some time now. I finally stopped making excuses and did what I had to do to get to a new state, and ...

If Growth Feels Like Destruction, Don’t Fret — It’s Normal.

Growth is extremely exciting, admittedly humbling, terribly frightening, yet ultimately necessary. We tend to romanticize growth as an exciting time of flourishing and transformation, of trading our former lives for improved versions of ourselves. And most of the time, that is the case. But we often overlook the fact that growth can also be very ...

Challenging Your Assumptions and the Need to Predict

In an effort to minimize risk, we all have the tendency to predict possible outcomes and plan accordingly. To make these predictions, we can't help but draw from past experiences and preconceived notions of the world in order to keep ourselves safe. And this is not always a bad thing. Predicting and falling back on ...

A Meditator’s Advice for Measuring Progress with Anxiety or Depression

When it comes to mental health challenges like anxiety or depression, it can be tricky to measure progress in a tangible way than, say, weight loss. Progress is often slow, subtle, and incremental, and the changes we make on the inside are often barely detectable on the outside (at first). It's incredibly frustrating to feel ...

Accepting the Consequences of Living Honestly

After years of struggling with perfectionism and people-pleasing, I'd made up my mind to live differently: to focus on living in alignment with my values, regardless of how people responded. I gave up trying to control how people reacted to me (which perfectionism and people-pleasing were attempts to do), focusing, instead, on the only thing ...

We Can’t Always Protect Other People’s Feelings & That’s OK

Yesterday I accidentally upset a woman by texting very briefly in the movie theatre (mind you, I was texting underneath my jacket with my screen dimmed to maximum, but I guess she still caught a glimpse of the glare). It was the kind of text that needed an urgent reply, but I get it: people go to ...

Say “Yes” to Life — It Might Surprise You

As sobering as it is to admit, I allowed many years of my life to be governed by fear. Almost every move I made was done out of self-protection or self-preservation. I'd approach most situations with caution, paranoid that a good moment would go sour or that a bad one would go from 'worse' to ...